He awoke with a start to the sound of gently scraping metal in a room he didn’t recognize. Confused, he sat up in an unfamiliar bed, still fully dressed, to find someone in it with him.
A John?
Dinner?
He couldn’t recall, but they were seated across his legs and leaned down just below the rise of his stomach. The scraping sound was coming from there.
He jerked his legs and they sat up.
“Hey big guy.” They smiled as he shook long dreadlocks out of his face and over his shoulders.
He is your Archon. His name is Jeron. The cohabitator of his body reminded him.
A flurry of memories swirled through his mind. They were traveling. This was a motel room. He was madly in love with the soft eyes that now searched his face for recognition.
With the edge of confusion gone, he relaxed back on his elbows.
“What are you doing down there?” He mumbled.
“You’ll see.”
“Will I?”
Jeron nodded. “Later. I promise. Go back to sleep.” He patted Sylus’ belly.
Sylus grumbled before allowing himself to lay back down. Knowing he was safe, he let himself fall back to sleep.
Morning came and he woke up once more. This time he had the luxury of rebooting all his memories without the distress of suddenly being conscious.
Beside him, under the covers, slept Jeron. He smiled. Leaning over, he kissed him softly on the cheek. A small coo came in reply.
With a sigh, he rolled over to get up. He didn’t sweat and his body only had to reject dirt to technically be “clean”, but he still felt the need for a shower. It was the human in him.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he was reminded he never undressed for bed. He briefly tried to remember why, but gave up. It didn’t matter. He slept in his suit all the time.
Standing up, he shuffled into the bathroom and started the shower as he undressed before the mirror. He never really liked seeing himself but ever since the change it’d gotten easier to accept the face that looked back at him was his own.
He undid his belt and pulled it off. His fingers ran over the what should have been a smooth buckle, but he was quick to notice something different in the metal surface.
There, neatly carved into the top were two letters. Initials. The handwriting was meticulous and unmistakable.
“J. M.”
“Miles.” He breathed as beautiful memories surfaced in his mind. “Jeron Miles.”
A stupid smile snapped across his lips as he looked up into the mirror to find Jeron sitting up in bed, yawning. His gaze lingered long enough for his lover to catch it from across the room.
“In case you ever forget to whom your fat, tentacly ass belongs.” He smiled so softly through a frame of discheveled hair.
Sylus looked down at his belt. Had it been anyone else, they’d be dead. But it wasn’t anyone else and it would never be anyone else.
He smiled as he hung his clothes on the hook behind the door before getting into the scalding shower that awaited him.
He stood at the counter gazing sleepily at a toasting toaster.
“Hm?” He replied without averting his gaze.
“Why are you making frozen waffles at 2am?”
He shrugged.
“There’s batter in the fridge.”
“And I’m certain it’d taste better.”
“Would you like me to get the batter?”
He shook his head. “Sometimes you just need some frozen waffles.”
The toaster gave a light ding as golden-brown waffles popped out. Lifting them out with his bare, unfazed fingers, he rested them on a plate before putting four more into the toaster. After gently lowering them in, he began buttering the finished ones.
“And why do you need frozen waffles?” I made my way over to the freezer/fridge combo.
“Hungry. Too tired for batter.”
“Mm, well, that can’t be true.”
“And why’s that?” He meticulously spread butter over every crevice of the waffles.
“There’s like 20 pounds of bacon still in here.”
“And?”
“And a ham.”
“So?”
“Sylus, you’re a carnivore. If you’re hungry, why are you making frozen waffles?”
“Sometimes you just need frozen waffles.”
I glared at him as I closed the freezer.
“Want some?”
“Where did you even get-” I cut myself off and shook my head. “N-nevermind.”
“They’re not stolen, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
I pursed my lips and sighed.
“You want some frozen waffles, Jeron?”
I sighed again. Pre-made food was never something we did in my home. It was from scratch or nothing. I could smell the difference between the frozen waffles and the family recipe batter sitting in the fridge. It was different, but not necessarily bad.
“Some processed carbs never killed anyone.” Sylus spoke as he unloaded another four waffles only to swiftly replace them with four more.
I leaned my back against the fridge and folded my arms across my chest.
“Well?” He murmured as he dressed his fresh waffles.
I glared at him.
Silence set in until the toaster popped once more. Sylus took them out and placed them in a separate plate. He was a bit less heavy handed with the butter and syrup.
Lifting both plates into his hands, he turned to me and offered the smaller of the two.
“Sometimes you just need some frozen waffles.” He repeated.
Shaking my head I took them from him. Smelled okay. Decent consistency on my fork. I took a bite.
Definitely not homemade but also… They were pretty good, in their own way.
“I suppose you do need some frozen waffles from time to time.” I mumbled through a mouthful.
Eternity swirled in the sky above. Countless stars, worlds, lives danced against what was once the dark of night.
He stood alone, head tilted to the heavens, wishing he understood what was expected of him. What was he meant to do? Who was he? Why was he?
He looked down at his hands. Pale, massive, worn with lines and callouses. Beneath that hand was nothing he understood or recognized. Behind his own eyes, he didn’t even understand what machinations were in motion.
“I’ve never seen the sky like this.” He croaked.
You are awake. A voice in his head replied.
“I wasn’t before?” He could barely speak with the new voice he’d only just received.
Not like this.
“Then what was I?”
Naïve and detached from the fabric of reality.
“Naïve.” He scoffed as he looked back up to the sky.
Perhaps… Not in relation to your species.
He choked back an incredulous sob. “What am I now?”
More.
“More?”
You are stronger.
“Stronger?”
Everything existed all at once and yet he knew none of it was truly there. The air he breathed, the feeling of his heart beating in his chest, the pining agony to escape the loneliness… They were all constructs of his worn down humanity.
“It hurts, Qaitax.” He choked. “Sondreh help me, it hurts.”
It will pass.
“What am I…”
You are many things. ‘You are the moonlit path and the things that there dwell.’ The voice of Qaitax sang from the depths of his mind.
A smile crossed his tired lips as he spoke the following lyrics. “I am the next step… and the gates of cloud…”
You are the savior.
“And the grumbling crowd.”
You are the captain.
“And I am the storm… I am the winds that destroy…”
The winds that will push you forward.
“But it felt like something came… It was wearing my face and I’m certain it used my name… Worked hard to burn me…” The melody became clearer in his baritone voice. “And that worked out well,” a sad laugh burst from his lungs, “because it opened up the ground and it walked me into hell…”
But you knew the pathway and you knew the door. So it was opened again and you walked up through the floor.
“Th-this is ridiculous.” He shook his head. “Why are you doing this, Qaitax?”
I-I do not know.
A sad smile crossed his lips.
Is it strange to say it simply feels… right?
“Right? To sing with your host?”
My… Host. Yes.
“That’s what I am, yeah? Your host? Your… Translation for this world?”
Stifling silence came in reply.
He cleared his throat. “A tool.”
You-I…
“The eldritch god is speechless?”
I have many words, I simply know not which I would like to share.
“A-anyway,” he cleared his throat, “So I am the anchor and am I the sail.”
You are the hero.
“And I am the villain in this fairytale…” He could feel his newborn tentacles drifting behind him in the cool night air. “I am the monster…”
And you are the sword.
“I-I am the reason I suffer… But…”
He paused as he searched for the following lines. He knew them, they lingered on the tip of his tongue and the edge of his soul.
“I am the reason I suffer, but I am worth fighting for.”
His cheeks were on fire as a lifetime of sorrow and pain flowed from his eyes.
“I am worth fighting for…” He’d never heard those words before much less thought them. “I-I am…”
Above him time had brought everything together. The past, the present, a distant, unknowable future swirled in the fires of infinite stars.
“I-I am…”
So many lives. So many existences gone, living, and yet to be born.
And yet here he was. Standing on the little dirt ball of Ancora sharing an alien body with a dying god. An abhorrent aberration. Would any of those lives look kindly upon him? Or would he be a monster they’d fear?
What would it matter?
“I-I don’t… I just… I want…”
What do you want?
“To be worth fighting for…”
What says you aren’t?
“I-I don’t…” He cleared his throat before finding the melody again. “I am the reason I suffer, but I am worth fighting for…”
A strange sense of vague approval came from his companion.
“R-right?”
Is that what you want, Sylus Synclaire?To be worth fighting for?
“More than anything…” He breathed. Guilt surged through him for even considering his self worth. No one had ever found value in him. His body, his existence, but his soul? Who he was? His hopes and dreams? His heart ached thinking about any of it. All his life he’d cast himself aside. He had to. Who was he to expect others to understand him? Who was he to think his feelings mattered? That his love was worth more than all that was stolen from him? That he was whole without the approval of others…
Then it is true.
“I-I am worth fighting for…”
So you are.
“I am worth fighting for…” He whispered into the night. A quiet promise to never again fall to those who would seek to destroy him. No one would ever hurt him again. He was free. Free of the pain and suffering of the life before now. No longer was he at their mercy for acceptance. He was who he’d always been. The tentacles were an unexpected perk.
For the first time since the birth of his son, a genuine, soulful smile crossed his lips. Free. He was free. Over and over and over he’d submitted himself to those who would never even see him as human. He thought it was the only way he’d ever find love.
But that was the problem.
He looked to the expanding universe above. For as big as he was, he felt small, but for the first time in his entire life, he felt… Love. For himself. For who he’d become. Who he’d been and who he knew he could be.
“I am the reason I suffer,” he sang into the desert around him, not a soul anywhere to be seen, “but I am worth fighting for!” He threw his arms into the air, cathartic pain welled in his chest. “I am the reason I suffered, but I am worth fighting for!” He screamed into the night. “I AM THE REASON I SUFFER, BUT I AM WORTH FIGHTING FOR!”
You understand, then.
“What’s there to understand?” He chuckled as he adjusted his ill-fitting shirt. “You never answered me when I asked what I am to you.”
You are… Qaitax paused to choose his next word carefully. Useful.
“And that’s all that matters, right?”
R-right…
“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you weren’t so sure about that.”
Hm.
“Think about it.” He smiled softly. “We have eternity, after all.”
Author’s Note: This was a crazy spiral of emotions. Between the song itself and whatever I was spilling onto the page, I felt so many things… Tearful things… Special thanks to Rhett for the song 🦑💜🦇
SPOILER ALERT! This contains some deep lore that’s subject to change. It lacks context or explanation, but there are things in this that won’t be revealed in canon for a looong time. You have been warned!
Sylvyx was particularly disoriented and confused. He sat in the center of the diner parking lot, legs crossed, staring out into nothing. It hurt, seeing him like that. Seeing the facade of the man I once loved now in the hands of a lonely child who’d known nothing but cruelty and brutality. I wanted to love him. I wanted so badly to feel like I did before when he was Sylus, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. It hurt horribly.
I made my way outside and stood beside him.
“Hungry?” I could barely speak.
“No.” He replied. Same voice, different person.
“Tired?”
He sighed. “Very.”
“Me, too.” I breathed.
He looked up at me. The eyes I’d loved so much now belonged to someone else. The gaze I’d grown so fond of was no longer the one I knew.
“Here.” I offered him my hand.
He stood up and stared at my gesture.
“Let’s go for a walk.” I continued.
He shook his head. “I am not him.”
“I know. Still, let’s go for a walk. You and I. Sylvyx and Jeron.”
His gaze lifted to my eyes. I desperately hoped my welling tears evaded his notice, but the way his face contorted told me otherwise.
“I’m sorry.” He choked.
“Don’t be. It was inevitable. We knew Sylus was temporary. We,” I cleared my throat, “we knew.”
He stared at me with those piercing violet orbs. “I remember love.”
“Yeah?” I forced a laugh.
“He was much like you. Eons and lifetimes ago.” He looked to my outstretched hand again. “I killed him.”
I closed my eyes and closed my fingers. “It wasn’t you, though, was it?”
“Does it matter?” He forced a weak laugh of his own. “The last thing Ennea saw was my face as he was wiped off the face of the universe. The last thing he felt…” He squeezed his stomach. “I-I don’t want to exist anymore.”
I thrust my hand into his and closed my fingers around him. “Let’s go for a walk.”
He nodded stiffly.
I practically dragged him up the precipical coastline until we were far enough out of town that the ambient light no longer obscured the night sky. The moon was a massive glimmering orb of white shimmering light. Its face reflected across the dark ocean surface.
“Here.” I motioned to the ground. I sat down and brought my guitar around front.
He remained standing.
“Sit, Sylvyx.”
He sighed and sat down beside me. A remnant of Sylus probably. He stared emptily out into the depths of the sea. I didn’t know who he was. I had no idea who I was sitting next to, I just knew that once upon a time that face brought me so much joy. His smile, his laugh, the crease at the corners of his eyes, the way his ears lifted with his grin, his thick sideburns, the stubble on his jaw, the soft, caring look in his alien eyes. Sylus. He was sitting next to me and he didn’t even know me. But that wasn’t fair to say, was it? Sylus was gone. I had to accept that. Maybe I’d never love Sylvyx like I wanted to, but I could at least try to be his friend. I knew enough about the creature’s past to know how utterly lonely it had been.
I fingered a few notes that began to sound familiar. A song Sylus and I had sung together once. My tenor to his baritone. A serenade of peace in a cacophony of chaos.
“And I give up forever to touch you ‘cause I know that you feel me somehow.” I glanced at his vacant gaze. “You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t want to go home right now.” He winced. “And all I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life and sooner or later it’s over and I just don’t wanna miss you tonight.” He tilted his gaze to the moon. “And I don’t want the world to see me cuz I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am.” He closed his eyes and I paused the music. “You okay?”
No answer came. He just stared, unseeing.
I started playing again.
“And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming,” his face was a blank, empty slate, “or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive.” His eyes closed. “And I don’t want the world to see me,” I closed my own, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken,” I looked at him, “I just want you to know who I am.”
No response. I resumed idly playing, realizing I wasn’t reaching him at all. I was in so much pain. My heart and soul ached as I played every note, but I couldn’t stand the thought of silence. The harder my heart beat in agonizing misery, the more I ramped up. It felt like rage, like anger, frustration, but it wasn’t. That’s what I expected, but that’s not what it was. It was hope. Desperate and weak, but it was hope. As I crescendoed to repeat the chorus, I closed my eyes and opened my mouth.
“And I don’t want the world to see me.” It wasn’t my voice. I dropped the melody and turned to him. “‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand.” He wasn’t singing, but rather speaking slowly, his voice shaking terribly, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. “When everything’s made to be broken,” I stared at him in disbelief, “I just want you to know who I am.” He gazed up at the monstrous moon above.
“Sylus?” I could barely utter his name.
“And I don’t want the world to see me,” his voice grew stronger with every word, “‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand.” The melody, though practically shouted, was clear in his cadence. “When everything’s made to be broken,” he stood up and whipped his military cap off and into the sea, “I just want you to know who I am.” He spun around to me, arms outstretched.
An uncontrollable gasp burst from my lungs. It was him. It was Sylus. Not Sylvyx or Qaitax or anyone other than the man I loved with all my heart. I burst to my feet beside him as I began playing again. His hands clasped my shoulders. All of my love, all of my heartache swelled into our voices joining together.
“And I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand. When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am.” Our gazes locked, tears streaming down both our faces. “I just want you to know who I am.” He took my face in his hands. “I just want you to know who I am.” I choked up, trapping my voice in my throat. “I just want you to know who I am.” He held out the last note for a long, glorious moment. Sylus. My Sylus.
I trailed off on the guitar as our voices fell silent.
“Sylus?” I croaked.
“Jeron.” He breathed.
“Is that really you?” I flicked a few strings in nervous agony expecting the worst.
He smiled. The same smile I’d come to love with all my heart. “It is, love.”
I sank into his embrace. Feeling his massive arms around me again, feeling the breath in his lungs, the beating of his false heart, the warmth of his flesh. Everything Sylvyx had silenced, everything that made Sylus Sylus was back.
“I love you, Sylus.” I sobbed into his uniform.
“And I, you, Love.”
I shook my head. “Say it.”
He kissed the top of my head and whispered: “I love you, Jeron Miles. From now to eternity. You are mine and I am yours. Together. Forever.”
I squeezed him as best as I could, my arms never reaching all the way around him. He returned the gesture, pressing me against himself.
“Thank you.” I breathed into him. “I missed you so much, Sylus.” I choked back a sob.
“And I, you, love.” He cooed as he ran his fingers through my hair. “And I, you.”
I grabbed the collar of his uniform. “Don’t you ever leave me again!”
“I won’t, love. Never again.”
“Promise me! Promise me you’ll never throw yourself away again because goddammit Sylus Synclaire you are fucking loved.”
He smiled. “I promise.”
“Good.” I pressed my face into his chest again. “Because if you do…”
“You’ll kill me yourself, right?”
“Don’t tempt me.” I growled.
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“Then keep your fucking promise.”
“I will, love. I swear it.”
“Good. Because I really don’t want to have to kill you.” I leaned back letting our gazes meet. I brought my hands to the sides of his face. “I’d miss you too much.”
“Well, you see, if I disappeared, and you found me and then killed me, I’ll have disappeared for good forever. See, I feel like that’s counter intuitive to your intentions and-”
I put a finger to his lips and he grinned.
I leaned up and pressed my lips against his. He was more than willing to accept me.
So there I was. Once more in the embrace of my lover under the silver glow of the moon. And I was finally at peace.
Author’s Note: Technically this song could exist in universe, but that doesn’t matter for the sake of this story 💜
Even in shambles, Ortzuna found a way to celebrate the end of the year and the beginning of the cold dark of winter. And winter was truly dark on Ancora.
The Kierhail fell around the chapel allowing Sylus and I to enter. In the absence of my father, we knew we could trust the new wielder of the key to not reduce us to screaming piles of voidal flesh.
“Oh look how much you’ve grown, dearie!” A grinning Adelaide Crenshaw shuffled over to me, white hair a bedraggled mess, and a crystal cross hanging from her neck.
“It’s only been a few months, Adelaide!” I laughed.
“And you look a bit worse for ware, young man.” She shook her head at Sylus who dignified her with a halfhearted shrug.
“Thanks for letting us in.” I continued. “I know it can’t be easy to let yourselves be so vulnerable in light of-“
“None of that, now, dearie.” Adelaide interrupted. “Fate does as fate wills. Mason knew that.”
A somber silence settled between us. The crystals embedded in the chapel glistened in the dim candle light that flickered inside. Ma’s gifts, the sources of the kierhail’s power.
“But if it wasn’t for him being a stupid bastard, you never would’ve shown up, would you?” She jabbed Sylus in the belly, knocking the air from him.
“It’s Soldheiria, Adelaide.” I really didn’t want to think about my father right now. “You know what that means.” It meant the last light of our solar cycle would fall on Ancora. It’d be another several months before we saw it again, Void willing.
“I do, but have you seen the town lately?” She leaned around us to look out the door. “Ortzuna is done for.” She sighed. “Had I known it would happen so soon I would have gathered some more sentimental things.”
“Like?” Sylus piped up.
“Oh, just things. Nothing necessary for survival.”
“But what kind of things?” Sylus had latched on to the conversation.
“Well, my medic kit, for one. Old and outdated, but it meant a lot to me. Went through the war from start to finish. I somehow feel bad for it being washed away with the tide. Ever feel like an inanimate object deserves the same respect as a person?”
Sylus and I both nodded.
“Then you understand.”
“Anything else?”
“Off the top of this old head? Arty’s gutpipe. I don’t think a person alive can make that thing sound any better than a screaming hoard of cats, but Arty could and Lord do I miss him.”
“Anything else?”
She narrowed her gaze on Sylus. “Why do you ask, young man?”
Sylus graced her with another dismissive shrug.
“No.” She replied slowly. “Nothing else comes to mind.”
With a nod, Sylus vanished into a drop of ink.
“Oh where’s he gone?!” Adelaide cried out.
“To get your stuff, I’d assume.”
“Oh it’s long at the bottom of the ocean by now.”
“Good thing Qaitax is a good swimmer.”
“You think that creature would indulge your boy’s act of kindness?”
“I know he would.”
Adelaide sighed. “Best of luck to both of them, but I think it’s a needle in a haystack situation. Anyway, come, dearie, we’re digging out all the old Soldheiria decorations your mother hoarded. Figured we’d at least do something on the inside.”
I laughed. “She really did have a hard time parting with things.”
Adelaide lead me down a set of stairs I hadn’t trod since I was a child. The basement had always felt like a mystical place far from sight and hardly thought about. In reality, it was a pool table with a small seating area around an ancient television with several closets along the sides.
The townspeople were pulling out boxes upon boxes of Soldheiria related bits and baubles. Ornaments, pine cones, tinsel, lights, pine tree stems… They fumbled and dug through everything as if trying to piece any of it together.
“Looks like they could use a hand.” Adelaide turned to me. “Do you happen to recall how your mother did things?”
“Oh god, Adelaide, it’s been decades.”
“Well, do you?”
I sighed. “Of course I do.”
She pressed a piece of festive fabric against my chest. It was Ma’s old bandana.
“Then get to work.” She commanded before wandering away.
Shaking my head, I removed my own plain brown bandana allowing my dreads to fall around my face. Gathering them back up, I tied the red and green cloth behind my head.
“You all need a hand?” I smiled.
Everyone turned to me. The looks ranged from confused to appalled to horrified. Whatever wind I had in my sails was gone. How could I forget how much I’d changed? How could I forget that my curse was born plainly upon my face? No, it wasn’t a curse, it was a gift. A gift of life and strength. I only called it a curse when anything even slightly negative came of it. Still, a glowing weave of floral tendrils etching the scarring around my eye made it very clear I wasn’t entirely human anymore.
All of them, even the less upset of them, turned their backs on me and resumed rummaging through the boxes albeit quieter and more delicately.
Face on fire, I turned and made my way back upstairs. The mystique of the basement now fully banished from my mind.
“That was fast, dearie.” I found Adelaide standing watch by the chapel doors.
“Eh, they had it under control.” I slipped the bandana off my head, jammed it in my pocket, and replaced it with my own.
“They really didn’t.” She turned to me. “It’s the eye, though, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“Well I for one like that you’re still alive and kicking around with the rest of us so a little eldritch magic can be overlooked.”
I chuckled. “The kierhail is eldritch magic, Adelaide.”
“Don’t I know it.” She murmured.
“Happy Soldheiria, Adelaide.” I breathed.
“Happy Soldheiria, Jeron.”
A splash of ink hit the ground and Sylus reappeared just outside the chapel soaking wet and shivering.
“I-I d-don’t like the o-ocean.” He spoke through chattering teeth.
“Then why did you go diving in it?!” I laughed.
He held out his hands. In one was a tin box and the other was a very waterlogged gutpipe.
“You didn’t…” Adelaide caught herself between a scream and a sob.
She took a few steps forward and Sylus closed the distance.
“Here.” He placed the items in her hands. “Happy Soldheiria.”
“You celebrate?” She sniffed.
“N-not personally, n-no. I don’t celebrate religious holidays for, w-well,” he motioned to the writhing tentacles protruding from his back, “r-reasons, b-but you and Jeron do, so I suppose I-I d-do for the t-time being.”
I shoved him lightly. The cold wet of his clothes sent shivers down my spine.
“You’re so cold, Sy.”
“Y-yes I very much am.”
Adelaide clutched her belongings to her chest. “This is all I have left of all those times we had together. Even the memories come and go.”
“Go inside, Mrs. Crenshaw.” Sylus beamed. “Put the shield back up and stay safe.”
“But what about Soldheiria? I invited you both and-“
“We don’t belong here anymore, Adelaide.” I interrupted. “I don’t belong here anymore. I-I’m sorry.” I let loose a breath I’d been holding for what felt like an eternity.
“That’s not true, dearie! This is your home! You grew up here!” She motioned to the diner down the street. “Your home is right there!” I followed her gesture.
“Home is more than a building, Adelaide.” I mumbled.
“Ah,” her energy dissipated, “this is very true.”
“But do you think anyone would mind if Sylus and I set up shop here? We tend to come and go from the Diner.”
“Dearie, I wouldn’t worry about what others think at this point. Every one of us can see the truth of what’s going on and whether they like it or not, they’d be fools to turn down the help of a Voidlord and an Archon.”
I smiled . “Do you need any food or water or necessities?”
“Honestly?” She piped up again. “We could all really use some new underwear. I don’t think anyone would care about the brand. Just some panties for the guys and gals.”
I turned to Sylus.
“Yes?”
“Can you go grab some underwear of various cuts and sizes?”
He glared at me.
“If you could, Sy?”
He threw his hands in the air and groaned before setting off once more in a drop of ink.
“Thank you, dearie.” Adelaide gave me a shallow bow. “Your mother has us well stocked in everything else for the time being, but underwear just wasn’t on the list, I suppose. Though I believe she believed we’d have more planning behind moving in here than the sudden arrival of a Voidlord. Or maybe she just didn’t expect the entire town to get washed away on T-Day.”
“T-Day?”
“Tentacle or Tether Day. It’s what one particular lad on the radio calls it. For some reason people call him crazy.”
“He can see it?”
“I figure a giant tentacle tide locking us to the moon would be a pretty obvious sight.”
“Only certain people can see it. Most everyone else just sees reality as if nothing has changed.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice.” She looked up to a sky full of writhing tendrils. “Oh if only I could see the sun shine one last time.” She trailed off. “You have until Spring to fix this mess!” She barked as she pulled the holiday bandana out of my pocket. “Put it back on. She’d want you to wear it.”
With a pained sigh, I put it back on.
“There! Much better.” Adelaide patted me on the back. “You remind me so much of her.”
“I wish I was more like her.”
Strings rang out as random notes sang from the guitar on my back. I looked down to find Adelaide plucking on them.
“Don’t live in her shadow, Jeron. You’ve already escaped one prison, don’t fall prey to another.”
“Y-yeah… You’re… You’re right…”
“I know damn well I am!”
“H-here.” A random voice came from behind us.
I turned to find one of my old neighbors holding a rats nest of lights. He shoved them into my arms. “Put them up along the steeple.”
Adelaide glared at him.
“Please.” He added before bowing and darting off.
“They’re trying, dearie.” She sighed. “I thought they’d be more understanding after everything your ma did for us. Was never a secret she wasn’t human and yet they can’t wrap their heads around the same for you. I’ll never understand it.”
A soft smile crossed my lips. “Let me just get these up there real quick.”
I slung the lights over one shoulder and brought my guitar around from from the other side. I played a few notes and a path of stepping stones of dark, inky bubbles formed before me leading up to the steeple.
This was my magic. My mother’s guitar my conduit, Sylus’ core my power source. My strength born from those I loved the most.
I sat up in the steeple by myself trying to undo the mess of lights. The dim bubble light I worked by was suddenly obscured. I looked up to find a box of brand new similar lights. I smiled as I took them.
“Thanks, Sy.”
Without a word, I felt him leave again.
Though the connection we had was powerful, it was also dangerous soul magic that bound are very beings. In the heat of battle we could practically become one, but that was the danger in it. Our souls vied for control in our unified goals which is why we made it a point not to casually read each other’s thoughts. The mind was a private, sacred place, but sometimes, he’d hear me struggling and respond in kind.
Once I managed to get the lights up, I made my way back down to the pavement. Sylus appeared beside me.
“Darkspace is full of underwear. Please tell me where you would like me to deposit it all before Qaitax has a fit and turns it all to ash.”
I snorted. “Adalaide?” I called into the chapel.
“Oh is the underwear here?!” She came shuffling back outside. She stepped out into the street past Sylus and turned to look up at the roof. “They look lovely, dearie. Thank you.” And then she turned to Sylus. “You can just unload them all in the chapel. Everyone can sort through them for themselves. Oh, did you happen to grab any kids’?”
“Yeah and some diapers actually. Wasn’t sure what the demographic was.”
“Well I’m not sure we need those at the moment, but diapers sure can come in handy at times.” She motioned for us to go inside.
Cringing, Sylus thrust his tentacles into his Darkspace and began flinging packages of underwear into the pulpit. At the end, there were several technicolored piles.
“Organized by size.” He explained.
“Oh you’re such a wonderful young man.” Adelaide tugged on his arm. “Thank you. Truly, this is a Soldheiria miracle!”
I laughed. “Is there anything else we can do for you?”
“We?” Sylus balked.
“Is there anything else Sylus can do for you?” I patted his belly.
“No, no.” She smiled. “This is already far more than enough.” She turned to us. “You’ll check back, won’t you?”
“Hm?”
“You’re heading out, aren’t you?”
“Ah, yeah…” I rubbed the back of my neck. “We need to get going.”
“I just want to stop by to see Dan real quick. You can hang here if you want.” Sylus nudged me gently.
“And I’d like to go with you to see Dan.”
“Are you sure?”
I turned to him. “Very. I think we’ve Soldheiria-ed enough for my side of the family. Let’s go see yours.”
He smiled.
“Be safe, you two.” Adelaide said. “I’d like to see you both back here someday. In one piece, preferably.”
“We’ll do our best, Adelaide.”
“Keep each other safe. He may be big but he’s soft and you may be quick, but you’re just learning to fly. Take care of each other.”
I nodded. “We will. Of course we will.”
“Good.” There was a slight waver in her voice. “Now,” she cleared her throat, “get going so I can put the shield back up and everyone can come forage for fresh underwear.”
Sylus and I smiled as we stepped outside. We watched as Adelaide returned her pendant to the pedestal in the pulpit, raising the kierhail once more.
“Alright.” I breathed as I offered Sylus my hand. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
With a soft smile, he took my hand and obliged, whisking me away through the void and across the continent to another place of adversity. Someplace far from the familiarities of home.
We appeared outside a brownstone house just outside a bustling city. For a long moment, we lingered across the street staring at the building. I knew how much these encounters stressed Sylus out, but it was still his idea to be here. I took his hand. Unlike his usual warmth, I was met with bone-chilling ice.
“You’re way too cold, big guy.” I wrapped my arms around him. The dampness was gone, but there was no mistaking how frosty he was.
“Th-the ocean’s cold.” He replied.
I could feel some kind of sickness swirling inside of him. Exhaustion, the cold, and his anxiety about the house before us melted into a deep cringe on his brow.
“I-I can’t see Daniel like this. D-Dorry’ll already look for any reason to turn me away and I’m sure she’d see me shaking like a l-leaf.”
“A change of clothes, then?”
He sighed. “For the best. Maybe we can come back tomorrow and-“
“We’re in the city, Sylus. Surely you know a place you can get something quick and I don’t mean Finn’s.”
“Finn’s closed for the holidays anyway.” He forced a laugh. “He takes his time off very seriously.”
“As he should. Let’s just start walking and see what we find. It’s still early enough in the day.” I suggested.
“Yeah, yeah. You’re right.”
I released him from my embrace and took his hand again.
It didn’t take long for something to catch his eye. We were maybe two blocks in when he stopped in his tracks staring at a window display across the street: a Santa suit and a reindeer onesie.
“Awww!” I squeezed his hand tighter. “Come on. Let’s go check it out.” I dragged him across the street.
We emerged some time later with Sylus muttering to himself: “Why make a Santa outfit if you’re not gonna make it for fat people?” He adjusted the antler headband he now wore on his head.
“Does seem kinda strange.” I tried to get the beard and mustache to sit properly on my face but it kept sliding down. “Too big for me and too small for you. What a world we live in. It is prety last minute though.”
“That it is.” He sighed as he tucked his new t-shirt into a pair of brown slacks. This was not the Sylus I knew. The man would never leave the house without a three piece suit and here he was in a t-shirt and jeans. Not just any t-shirt, but a graphic t-shirt that read “Sleigh, Queen, Sleigh”. I laughed every time I read it.
“Think this is okay?” He motioned to himself.
“Are you comfortable?”
He reached into a bag and retrieved a denim jacket. Shrugging it on and smoothing it out he gave it some thought before nodding.
“Then it’s perfect.”
“But he’s thirteen. It’s not like he’s a little kid anymore.”
“I think he’ll appreciate it.”
He sighed.
“Besides,” I laughed, “they didn’t exactly have any big-boned reindeer costumes either.”
He snorted and rolled his eyes.
We walked back holding hands until we reached that familiar brownstone. Unfortunately we now stood at the end of the cement walk with no street between us and the picketed front lawn.
Sylus swallowed hard before marching up the walkway. I stayed close behind. Taking a deeply pained breath, he knocked on the door.
Muttering whispers and clicking heels on wood came from the other side. Sylus’ stern face drooped into a frown.
The door opened. A frizzy auburn-haired woman in a red-sequin dress with a hard glare in her eyes stared at Sylus. Behind her was a smaller, tired-looking man in an ugly holiday sweater.
“What do you want?” She barked.
“I came to see Daniel, Dorry.”
“We’re busy and you know the rules about unannounced visits.”
I leaned around them to see a massive conifer tree decorated to the nines sitting in their living room.
“Hey, Jeron.” The man nodded to me from behind his wife.
“Hey, Rich.” I nodded in reply.
“In case you forgot,” Doreen continued, “we are a family and we celebrate the holidays as one.”
“For fucksake, Dorry, I’m your brother!”
“Just because you keep using that word doesn’t make it true.”
Sylus’ face flushed a deep shade of violet. He was about to stand down when I stepped up. “Please? It’ll only be for a few minutes and we’ll be on our way.”
“That’s not fair to the boy.” She snapped. “You can’t just come and go as you please.”
“You think I like-” Sylus shook his head. “He’s my son!” He snapped back. “Why do we have to do this every time, Dorry? Please just let me see my boy. We all know you’re his family, but he’ll always be my son. You understood that when you took him in.”
Doreen glared at him while Rich wandered away.
“Dad?!” Footsteps ran across the house.
Doreen closed her eyes in defeat.
“Dad!” Daniel cried out from behind her. “Happy Soldheiria, Dad!” He shoved past her and into Sylus’ arms.
“Happy Soldheiria, Daniel.”
“Daniel.” Her composure was falling apart. “Please come back inside.”
“Can we just have a minute, please, Dorry?”
Pain shot across her face, but she was quick to bury it behind a scowl. Turning back inside, she slammed the door shut behind her.
“You always undermine me!” She screamed.
“First of all, I’m making dinner. Second of all, that’s Dan’s dad not some random stranger. You’re all about family until he shows up. Relax. Please.” A measured reply came from Rich through an open window.
“They suck during the holidays.” Daniel muttered.
“That’s not nice, Dan. They’re doing their best and they’ve taken great care of you. Grant them some grace. Please.”
Daniel reached up and fixed Sylus’ antlers. “I was half expecting them to be repurposed tentacles or something.”
“Nah, just felt.”
The boy turned to me. “Happy Soldheiria, Jeron.”
“Happy Soldheiria, Daniel.”
“You bring me anything?” He motioned to the plastic bag in my hand.
“Daniel!” Sylus cried out.
“Well he’s Santa with a bag so I feel like that was a reasonable ask.”
I burst out laughing.
“Here.” Sylus crouched down and pulled on the cord around Daniel’s neck revealing a soul crystal in the shape of an iris from beneath his shirt. “Let me charge you up a bit.”
Daniel recoiled. “The voice told me what you have to do to charge it. It’s too much.”
“Oh Daniel,” Sylus beamed, “you’re my flesh and blood. Nothing is too much for you. Besides,” he motioned toward the direction the bickering was coming from, “you need to keep them as safe as they’ve kept you all this time.”
“What about you?”
“Dorry would kill me if I lingered around here. It’s up to you to keep your home safe. I’m sorry, I know its a lot for a child, but-“
“I’m not a child.”
“You’re thirteen!”
“And it’s in the name. I’m a teenager. Adult lite. I can handle it.” Daniel sighed before offering Sylus his crystal again. “Please don’t hurt yourself, Dad.”
Smiling, Sylus took the pendant in his hand. After a brief flash of violet light, he released it.
“Thanks, Dad.” Daniel threw his arms around his father’s neck.
“You’re very welcome, Kiddo.”
I crouched down and reached into the bag. Daniel caught my motions and looked at me expectantly. I offered him a round red ball with a slit in one side.
“He didn’t want to put it on.” I explained.
Grinning, Dan took it and slid it onto Sylus’ nose.
The smile Sylus had for his son was unlike any other. There was always so much love and pride in his eyes. With that big grin on his face, he took Daniel in his arms and stood up beside me.
“You’ll behave for them, won’t you?” Sylus breathed.
“I dunno.” Daniel turned to me. “Am I on the naughty or nice list?”
“Fresh slate for the year to come.” I answered.
“Then I guess I’ll try.”
“You can do better than that!” Sylus laughed.
“Dad, I like to think I’m a pretty good kid. No truancy, no drugs, no sex, some rock and roll, straight A’s, and I only dabble in the dark arts on weekends!”
Shaking his head, Sylus put him back down on the porch. “Oh lord you are my son.”
“Sure am!”
Sylus smile wavered.
“I’m okay, Dad.”
“Good.” He ruffled the boy’s hair. “Now get back inside and behave.”
“I always behave!”
“Then keep doing that.”
Daniel opened the door. Straddling the opening, he turned back to Sylus. “I-I know you visit a lot, in the shadows, but can you visit in person more?”
“You know how much that upsets Dorry.”
“I’m not a little kid anymore and I want my dad in my life. It’s not fair how she-“
“From what? From you? My father? Can’t be because you’re a tentacle monster because she knows about my magic and hasn’t tried to stop it.”
“It’s complicated, Daniel.”
The boy took a deep breath. “I-I know dad. But… maybe… since the world’s ending and all that, can we try to all be a family?”
“I won’t infringe on Dorry’s rights as your legal guardian, Dan.”
“I-I’ll talk to her.”
Sylus sighed. “You shouldn’t have to.”
“But I want to.” Daniel ducked back outside to hug his father again. “Happy Soldheiria, Dad”
“Happy Soldheiria, Daniel.” Sylus whispered through his hair.
With that, Daniel slipped back inside and shut the door gently behind him.
“I hope you guys can work it out someday.”
“As do I, but Doreen’s feelings are deeply complicated and it’s not my place to upset their balance. And yet…” He pulled the nose off his face and studied it in the palm of his hand. “What I wouldn’t give to freely see my son again.” He put the nose back on and turned to me. “That’s enough festiveness for one year, I should think. I’d like to get somewhere warm, if you don’t mind.”
“Lots of blankets back home.”
“Home…”
“Still getting used to the concept?”
“Still getting used to the idea of it being a solid place and not a state of wandering vagrancy.” He sighed. “But… yes. I would very much like to go home. Maybe have some hot cocoa.”
“That sounds nice, big guy.” I put my arms around him. “Shall I take us there?”
“No, allow me, your noble steed.” He turned and lifted me onto his back. Invisible tentacles wrapped gently around my body, securing me in place. “Let’s hope there are no spooky holiday memories waiting in the Darkspace.”
“I’ll just hold on really tight and everything will be alright.”
“Happy Soldheiria, Jeron.” He breathed. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”
“Happy Soldheiria, Sylus.” I whispered in his ear. “And I can’t imagine living another day without you in mine.”
Happy Soldheiria to all, and to all a good night!
Author’s Note: I’m so proud to present the above image commissioned from Rhett Cameron Morris on Facebook. They did an AMAZING job! I honestly never thought I’d see my boys as they are in my head and until now all “art” was AI rendered, but no more! Here they are in all their human glory! Rhett did such a stellar job translating my mess of input and references into something meaningful. I can’t overstate how utterly happy I am.
Happy holidays everyone! If you’ve read this far, consider liking this post and maybe leaving a comment or even sharing it if you’re truly daring. Maybe even subscribe if you’re a real trailblazer! Totally optional, but I’m finally in the business of trying to build some semblance of an audience so… think about it!
Eternity's Irys 